You have said and promised. I truly believed you, and waited. But as time grew our conversations apart, I have realized that we have created something so complex. It's not just between us two. I can't confess as I please, demand as I urge to. My brother is your friend. And if I demand an answer, I'm not only putting our friendship at risk, but my brother's as well. I've learned from the start, that I must fight human nature. Selfishness can only lead to regret.
I've liked you from the start. But I've also known at that moment there was one solution. Only separation and distance. And now that I know that we have this spark. This one chance...
I've met a lot of guys after that moment. I've learned to shut you away. Force myself to only think of you as someone I really treasure. Nothing else. I couldn't hold any type of expectation against you. I moved on and found other people. But no one could compare. It was everything about you. Your act of giving, your smile, your humbled intelligence...
But as time continues, people will come and go. And they might change me. If I don't know now, I'm afraid that how I feel will dissipate to the air. Leaving nothing left. I don't want someone else to enter. I just want you and I to stay here. And even if I wait for you, you might be waiting for someone else. And the happiness I've felt when you texted me, messaged me, promised me, will be worthless. They would no longer hold the intentions I thought they did. And I will have to disappear from you. Even if you find someone else, married, I will still look at you the same way I did when I met you. That won't ever change. This feeling that felt so sincere and warm, would be labelled wrong, as a scandel.
This is why it is painful. I have to continue to hold my breath as I drown. Starve to death. I won't be able to do what I want to do. I just have sit here. And wait. There is no marked date, nothing to look forward to. I just have to continue, without knowing what is going to be in front of me, staring at me in the eye. I don't know if it is worth it.
I like you. But what can I do with this 'like'? Let it rest, and wait for your nurture?
It's waiting. Time is ticking.
