She always brings tears to my eyes. When my eyes lay on her and my mind uncontrollably tries to comprehend how a single moment can take the person I've known to love so much, far away.
I don't recognize her anymore.
I never remembered her taking care of me. But I've heard of it repeatedly. "You were the ugliest piece of shit. But I would carry you on my back everyday," she would say with a smile.
It was the very same back that I was pulled from nearly nineteen years ago. And then I flew.
She is the most vulgar person I know. She was never the typical grandma. She would never let the limits of her aging body be her weakness. She conquered. She travelled as far as she wished, beyond the magnitude that she should. She would also let her voice travel far. No one stopped her.
"She just likes to be totally out of control. Let her be."
I am, by far, out of all seven grandchildren, been given the least amount of time to spend time with her. But I feel it. That bond is intrinsic. I can't believe the amount of love I have for this woman. It's pure insanity.
But she, who seemed so invincible, was the one that was left paralyzed on her bed one morning. Couldn't move.
That's when time caught up to her. Changed everything I knew of her.
I saw her in a video clip. She was eating mindlessly. Staring at the aged walls where our entire family grew up in.
The woman that carried little me on her back twenty years ago...she's gone.
I don't know who this woman is.
She can no longer answers questions properly. She would reply with comments that are completely nonsensical.
As unrealistic as it was, I always thought that I would grow up and take care of her for the rest of my life. Like she would somehow beat time, and live forever. Somehow, be weak for me to take care of, but, simultaneously, be invincible to time. I knew that thought was crazy. But somehow, I believed it.
I just want her to be given the chance to live. Me, the chance to take care of her.
Wait for me.
