Great.

September 30 .Sunny.

This year is really something. This is a lot harder than I expected. Ever since school started, I worked on my subjects non-stop. Every single time I come home, all I want to do is play piano and relax with my music. But no. I have Math, Physics, Chemistry, Planning, Japanese, and History homework to do. Great. Will I have to go through this whole school year like this? I don't think I would be able to hold on. The worst part is that even when I work til the point that I almost doze off to sleep, I still get a mark that I don't like. Even my mom says, "Just do better next time." But I want everytime. Everything needs time to review. How can I split the rest of my day after school between 3 to 4 subjects that all need at least an hour and a half? Unfortunatly, I'm not as strong as Jenny. I can't stand up for myself and fight for a victory that should belong to me. It's great how she can do that...because I can't. At all.

But it seems like I'm not the only person starting to get all busy with school. My friends seem to not have time for me as much anymore; he doesn't seem the same anymore either. He's a lot less tolerant when it comes to my whining (even though I'm just playing around most of the time), and he can't always be there anymore. My friends and I can't even talk as much anymore. Everyone is so busy at school. No one has time for anyone anymore. Even Chris, who always gives time for me whenever I need him, said he can't talk becuase of homework multiple times. I'm scared to complain because it's really selfish of me. He even said once: Am I a person that if you don't want to spend time with you can just dismiss and if you want back you can just say so and I'll be there waiting with your books and a cup of tea?" ...Did I really give that impression? ...I'm sorry...

I know that independence was what I wanted in the beginning...and that was what made our problem so big. But now...I'm starting to miss having him always there. One day, one conversation on MSN. That's all. It may be a very selfish thought...but I guess that's why I can type it out and not be able to say it face to face. Yesterday, I actually started missing the things we used to have that it brought me to tears. It's all gone now. Thanks to me. Awesome.

What a great start to the school year!