Goodbye.

Oct. 2. .Sunny.

I swore to myself that I must keep up that fire. I wouldn't let my world stop for you. But I'm back to where I started. Hurt to the core.

I already shortened my friends to the minimum; keeping only the ones that I really wanted to treasure for the rest of my life. I was confident that I would keep these people forever. Our friendship may stretch distant, but remain smooth and steady. You were one of them. I thought I knew how to choose who was worth keeping close to my heart. I was willing to put you there, my weak spot. I thought you would be gentle. I guess that's why I'm hurting so much. I never expected it.

I thought of pulling out my white flag. But one problem demonstrates how we differ. From root to tip. We can't communicate. We can't agree. We can't surrender. We're mirror images. Light doesn't transfer through our opposite sides. It just bounces back with cruelty. But despite these obstacles, I still wanted to keep you there. There is no point of saying sorry if I don't mean it. Because it will always reappear to haunt us. And we won't do anything but fight against each other. From the center separating to opposing sides.Things will always get out of control and messy, but I thought we would always work out because I assumed that we both were going to work towards it. I thought too much. And nothing came into reality.

I thought that we would last forever, as friends, as boyfriend-girlfriend, whatever we wanted to be. I thought that we would fight through university together, with possibly kilometers of distance. Even maybe side by side. I considered to go wherever you wanted to even if I had to work just that much harder. I knew that it was a very naive idea. But I imagined the late night phone calls. I dreamed of your presence lasting forever within me. I thought that you would never leave me. I thought you would never blame me or misunderstand me. I thought you would be patient with me and love me. But I wasn't given a chance to see if that could happen. Nothing came out of those thoughts.

Ever since we fought, I always held moments of you everyday. A shard of a second. Or a fragment of minutes. A limb of an hour. And I would grow weak inside. You were the only one that could make me smile like that. But I would pick myself up everyday; making sure that no one saw. And you couldn't. What you did was probably the coldest thing anyone can ever do. Thinking of how tight we were, and slicing that all apart for me in one email, and leaving me with all the pieces of our bond to pick up. I still don't know if I want to. Contemplating if they mean anything but broken glass. They will probably only cut me deeper.

And you left me. Or waited for me to grab your hand, pull you back. But I didn't.

The last that I saw was you just dissipating from my life. Not one single sign of return.

I loved you.

Bye.