Great.

September 30 .Sunny.

This year is really something. This is a lot harder than I expected. Ever since school started, I worked on my subjects non-stop. Every single time I come home, all I want to do is play piano and relax with my music. But no. I have Math, Physics, Chemistry, Planning, Japanese, and History homework to do. Great. Will I have to go through this whole school year like this? I don't think I would be able to hold on. The worst part is that even when I work til the point that I almost doze off to sleep, I still get a mark that I don't like. Even my mom says, "Just do better next time." But I want everytime. Everything needs time to review. How can I split the rest of my day after school between 3 to 4 subjects that all need at least an hour and a half? Unfortunatly, I'm not as strong as Jenny. I can't stand up for myself and fight for a victory that should belong to me. It's great how she can do that...because I can't. At all.

But it seems like I'm not the only person starting to get all busy with school. My friends seem to not have time for me as much anymore; he doesn't seem the same anymore either. He's a lot less tolerant when it comes to my whining (even though I'm just playing around most of the time), and he can't always be there anymore. My friends and I can't even talk as much anymore. Everyone is so busy at school. No one has time for anyone anymore. Even Chris, who always gives time for me whenever I need him, said he can't talk becuase of homework multiple times. I'm scared to complain because it's really selfish of me. He even said once: Am I a person that if you don't want to spend time with you can just dismiss and if you want back you can just say so and I'll be there waiting with your books and a cup of tea?" ...Did I really give that impression? ...I'm sorry...

I know that independence was what I wanted in the beginning...and that was what made our problem so big. But now...I'm starting to miss having him always there. One day, one conversation on MSN. That's all. It may be a very selfish thought...but I guess that's why I can type it out and not be able to say it face to face. Yesterday, I actually started missing the things we used to have that it brought me to tears. It's all gone now. Thanks to me. Awesome.

What a great start to the school year!

Plastic Friendships, Skin-Deep Apologies

Sept 10th .Sunny.



How you do this to us one more time?



The school has started. The new group is slowly forming. But as that is progressing, Jordan and Maggie are by themselves. Maggie starts getting the feeling of being all alone. She calls me.



"Hi"

"..Hi...who is this?"

"Maggie...?"

"Oh...hi"

"Are you okay?"

"Uhh...just a bit sick"

"Drink so Honey Lemon Tea then."

"Uh...ok...uh...why did you call?"

"Oh..do you want to hang out with me and Jordan sometime at lunch?"

"Uh...I'll see since I do different things everyday..."

".....Okay..."

"Bye."



As I was talking to Maggie on the phone, Jordan was talking to Joanna. He was saying sorry and trying to persuade her to give him another chance so we can hang out with them at lunch. And Joanna was falling for it. He kept on saying sorry...but does he really mean it? Would he actually redo what he did in the past if he could? ...obviously not. How can he possibly place us and himself in front of Maggie. He was trying to be friends with us again so Maggie doesn't have to be upset about being a loner. It was all for her...saying sorry...admitting that he is wrong...none of it was from his heart. He kept on saying that Maggie changed and we can't see it because all we do is hate. How can she change? Maybe...change temporarily until she gets what she wants...so basically acting. And he should think about WHY we hate her...WHY we bad-mouth her. I was pretty sure he didn't mean it when he said sorry and that he's wrong..but I was definately sure when he said, "What is wrong with Maggie?" He doesn't even understand. If he did...he wouldn't ask that question. We don't even expect anything from Maggie because we know she is a bitch. She's already not our friend anymore so we don't care about her. But Jordan is still a person that we care about. So we still care about his decisions. And every single time he just disappoints us.



"Are you mad at me?"

"...I am"

"Well I'm sorry for changing into some jerk...and for putting you in front of my girlfriend, and all my friends. I owe you a huge apology, and I'm sorry.

"Did you copy that out from Joanna or Braden?"

"Why would I? If you don't believe me then don't."

"I don't. Why would I?"

"Well then I understand why you wouldn't."

"You killed all my trust for you. I gave you more and more trust even when you kept on throwing it away like nothing...I've had enough Jordan."

"Okay then. I'll just leave you alone."

"Everything that you are unhappy about in school is all because of yourself...we all tried to help you."



Joanna really wanted Jordan to come back and be her friend again. Deep inside, I do too. It's just different without him. But I really want him to learn his lesson. I want him to learn that more than anything right now. He has to learn that not everything has to adjust and revolve around Maggie just because she is his girlfriend. We are his friends too...we are people too...we have feelings too. It's already bad enough that he left us, but he just had to come back and make it even worse.



I truly believe that you are selfish person Jordan. To make yourself happy...you kill your own friendships, even the ones that are built years ago. You throw that all away to make the one you are with happy so you can make sure that she'll stay by your side so you can be happy. I really pity you. Throwing away friends that would give up anything and everything for you. You said that Maggie is special to you and makes you laugh and takes you out. So I guess we aren't special to you at all? All those times that we spent with you aren't important? Maggie would of never helped you if you asked for help at 1 o'clock in the morning. She would never sacrifice anything that money can't buy. She buys you things. So...? Anyone can buy you things. True love does not need anything but two people with true hearts and faith.



Do you even know how much Braden, Joanna, and I stressed out about this? Do you know how much time and thought we put in for you? Braden and Joanna really wants Jordan back. We all do. Why can't you even understand that? How can we possibly mean nothing to you? Every single time, you would put Maggie in front of us. All those advice we gave you....you just throw that out. We don't want you to be with Maggie becuase we know she's not good for you. She never once cared about you and your feelings. She never treated you like her boyfriend. She treats you like a dog. I see it everytime. She walks in the hallways. You follow behind her. Everytime I see that even my heart hurts. Why are you doing this to yourself? Is this really love in your eyes? You're my friend Jordan. No matter what. No matter how many times you piss me off. We all just want you to come back.