You're Mine

Nov. 7th .Sunny.

You're my everything. And you're mine.

Lately, all I've been thinking about is exactly one year ago. How it all started. How it all merged together. Just like puzzle pieces. They all just seem to fit. Tracing back, I still don't know how I could suddenly feel that Johnny was the one that will gift me with happiness. It's all in a different language that I don't understand. But I don't want to understand it. Let it be a mystery. It was a year ago, when I sat at those gym benches, when my heart would beat so fast for him. Exactly a year ago, where I would shut my eyes, and open them in the morning with him in my mind. It was also a year ago, that I would walk home alone, and just look up at the sky. I would wonder. I would hope.

Every step we take together, it's filled with smiles. We know everything about each other. What makes our lips curl. What we love. But I never got bored. Although walking from school to home, is a short road, it's a trail that I will always cherish. It's a road where we would hold hands, laugh, confess. Talking until five in the morning, there is still something to say, something to share together.

He's like my best friend, my confessor, my listener, my happiness. He's the only person that I can unload all. Insecurity. Pressure. Sadness.

"Do you want a hug to make you feel better?"

More than anything.

There is nothing better than being in your arms.

He's everything I can ask for. He doesn't have to be dramatically support me, but just subtly. Just delicately. I love that. I just love his hold, his words, his love. Although I can never discover where I'll be taken to next, or how much longer our lines will intersect, all I can hope is to treasure the time we have left together, and continue to endure, smile, and love.

You have no idea how much I love you, and how much I feel indebt to you for all your doings. You always say that you're so happy that I'm yours, but it's my privilege to have you as mine. I love your old quotes, I love your arms, I love the way you make me laugh, I love your support. I don't need anyone else. You're my escapism. You're my confessions. You're my love. Through the toughest times, you were the one that held me up so I could continue to persevere. I can't imagine how I will live if you aren't there anymore to hold me. I would fall down, and struggle so much to stand back up. You may not notice, but you spoil me. You have fulfilled almost every wish I had. And staying up late with you made me so happy. You've nourished my insecurities. You've given me everything. I love you so much...

Thank you Johnny.

New Teachers, Old Memories

September 25th .Sunny.

It's been only two weeks. And I already feel like God is testing me. Testing how far I can stretch, how long before I give in.

My new teachers are all pretty decent. Nothing to complain about. But Ms. Chow. I don't really comprehend it completely though. Many people say that she's really hard-core. Without a doubt, she is. My right hand has been so much weaker after the first three classes. But I think everything she does has a reason. Although it's only been awhile, I can already feel the amount I'm going to learn from her this year on my shoulders. Rock solid. My new English teacher can never compare to Ms. DC. Nowhere close. In a way, I kind of resent the hours I spend in my English class. There is no one to really talk to. There is nothing to connect to. My body is there, sitting on the plastic red chair. While my heart is drifting pass those walls, back to where they think they belong. In Ms. DC's room. Even when we're reading a book from the same author as "The Kite Runner", I don't feel anything. When my pencil tip lands on the piece of paper, there is nothing to strike my creativity. Just like the piece of paper, my brain is blank. My heart is just yearning for last year.

One day, Ms. DC went to my socials classroom, asking one of us to help a new student find his locker. Seeing her, I wanted to speak. But all my mouth was doing was being left open. It ran dry.There was nothing to really say. I probably left her really disappointed with me. She probably saw my provincial mark and was devastated. Someone that she thought that was something special turned out to be someone less than average. Nothing near special.

Having a new physics teacher is really brightening up my view in science. Mr. Block seems like a really caring teacher. The first day entering a class full of grade 12s again, I was completely silent, feeling a sensation of anxiety seeping in. He actually leans on his table, directly facing my desk, and asks me about my Summer. I thought it was weird. He doesn't even know me. He never even taught me before. And he already leans back, and smiles.

Mr. Lee as my Math 11 Honours teacher. Who else can I possibly ask for? Aside from Ms. DC, he was one of the only teachers that had lend a hand. There is nothing that I can't run to him for.

And finally, my friends. There have been a lot of friends that I've chosen to distant myself away from. It just doesn't seem like there is a point in being around a group where I've tried for half a school year. I tried to convince myself that I just need time to adjust. But that's not the case. I don't feel happiness. Jasmin, Vivian, and everyone else there just can't replicate what I felt before. Nothing can compare to grade 9. Even with Maggie there, it was that group that made me want to head to lunch quickly, that made me laugh until my stomach was hurting and my lungs were shrieking. I just want to go back to the past.