The End of a Circle

Dec. 15

"They broke up."

"What?"

"Your brother and Angie broke up."

After over five years of endurance and true love, they call for an ending. Although I'm not in the relationship...my tears dropped. If a couple like them can split up...then what can possibly overcome more...They went through so much together. High school, university...between each crack of these building blocks...they were filled in simply because they complete each other. Through any pair of eyes, one can see true love between them, in their bonded hands, in her smile.

The uselessness of time. People say that time heals wounds. Time can answer questions. Time brings age, maturity, significance...But even with over five years of time, the love they built in that given time was still not enough. Not enough to overcome and solidify in time for that obstacle.

I've never witnessed my brother in this state. It's not anger. It's not frustration. It's his vulnerability leaking through him. She was his ultimate weakness. And she's gone.

Knowing him ever since I have taken my first breath, I've never seen him eat plain, cold, loaves of bread. Usually, he would complain the lack of decent food we have around our house. But he opened each drawer, and closed each. Searched for a few seconds. And asked where the bread was. No one questioned his sanity. I didn't know what was going on. But I wasn't planning on asking. It was too dangerous.

There was nothing on it. It was just, plain, original, bread cut into slices. And he took two, and ate them raw. His laptop wasn't in front of him. His iphone was tucked away. He just seemed to sit there blankly. Completely unaware. And after his bitter devour, he left.

I still remember their matching silver rings. Simple. Pure. Worn everyday, on both of their fourth fingers. Like they were already married...

I wonder where those rings are going to end up now...

Left unworn...untouched.

Fourth finger...bare. Empty. Common, like everyone else.

I just wish I could hug him. And tell him that it'll be okay. Even if it isn't. He's the brother that does not cry in front of anyone. But himself. I don't even know if he has the ability to cry anymore. Maybe that ability was stripped away from him when she left. Although it was mutual, it doesn't seem like it is. His pain seems to be too strong....where all facial expressions disconnect and become incapable of expressing what he feels inside. I can't imagine the amount of pain in him. In a way, It hurts more to see him not cry...to not yell. I just wish that he would open up and ask for something. I just wish that I can help him...

How is he possibly going to heal by himself...

You're Mine

Nov. 7th .Sunny.

You're my everything. And you're mine.

Lately, all I've been thinking about is exactly one year ago. How it all started. How it all merged together. Just like puzzle pieces. They all just seem to fit. Tracing back, I still don't know how I could suddenly feel that Johnny was the one that will gift me with happiness. It's all in a different language that I don't understand. But I don't want to understand it. Let it be a mystery. It was a year ago, when I sat at those gym benches, when my heart would beat so fast for him. Exactly a year ago, where I would shut my eyes, and open them in the morning with him in my mind. It was also a year ago, that I would walk home alone, and just look up at the sky. I would wonder. I would hope.

Every step we take together, it's filled with smiles. We know everything about each other. What makes our lips curl. What we love. But I never got bored. Although walking from school to home, is a short road, it's a trail that I will always cherish. It's a road where we would hold hands, laugh, confess. Talking until five in the morning, there is still something to say, something to share together.

He's like my best friend, my confessor, my listener, my happiness. He's the only person that I can unload all. Insecurity. Pressure. Sadness.

"Do you want a hug to make you feel better?"

More than anything.

There is nothing better than being in your arms.

He's everything I can ask for. He doesn't have to be dramatically support me, but just subtly. Just delicately. I love that. I just love his hold, his words, his love. Although I can never discover where I'll be taken to next, or how much longer our lines will intersect, all I can hope is to treasure the time we have left together, and continue to endure, smile, and love.

You have no idea how much I love you, and how much I feel indebt to you for all your doings. You always say that you're so happy that I'm yours, but it's my privilege to have you as mine. I love your old quotes, I love your arms, I love the way you make me laugh, I love your support. I don't need anyone else. You're my escapism. You're my confessions. You're my love. Through the toughest times, you were the one that held me up so I could continue to persevere. I can't imagine how I will live if you aren't there anymore to hold me. I would fall down, and struggle so much to stand back up. You may not notice, but you spoil me. You have fulfilled almost every wish I had. And staying up late with you made me so happy. You've nourished my insecurities. You've given me everything. I love you so much...

Thank you Johnny.