You Remembered. I Will Remember.

My mom scanned through the newspaper. I crunched on my cereal all woozy as usual. She laid the newspaper down and pointed.

"Read me the numbers. I can't see them" She ordered.

"1269...459...687...wait, why are you looking these up?" I asked.

"Your grandpa isn't doing so well after all. Your dad has to go back to see him soon." She admitted as she continued to scan blindly.

We sat in silence.

We both packed up. I specifically, did it reluctantly. It was too bright for me to start the day. We take one step towards the door.

The phone rings. The one from Hong Kong.

"Hello?" my mom answered.

All I could hear was mumbles. I held my breathe. Please.
"Is everything ok? Is it all ok? What's wrong?"
She started to sound scared. I faintly heard it.
"He left us."

"..."
My mom's tears begin to stream down. My eyes became out of focus. All blurs.

We both sit in the car, silently. Her tears fell, and mine too. My mind begins to turn away and curl towards the past...

I remember. I remember the lunches I would have to eat with my grandpa every time I went back to visit. My reluctance. After one time of requesting to eat this specific dish, he never forgot. It was yellow, crunchy and tacky with sugar. It shined against the lighting. He would urge me to eat more until I couldn't. When he was already suffering from cancer, he still didn't sit and wait for the ladies to pull the cart that held that specific dish to our table. He stood up with his cane, unsteadily, and went throughout the entire restaurant to find the lady that was pulling that special cart. There were over twenty carts. By then, his stomach already had a hole. Drilled to connect to a plastic bag taped to his front. All his waste was to empty to that bag. His organs were failing him.

But he continued to smile when he saw me.

Although I never really knew him, I now realize that it doesn't matter. He has always loved me. He would have walked miles for me. Even at his late eighties he was still able to remember the food that I liked to have after years of not returning. I didn't even remember that I asked for it last time I ate with him. But he did. Now, I can't even see him if I wanted to. I can't walk miles for him in return. There is no chance for me.

It's so hard to accept that he is no longer here. I will never see that face again. He has left this dimension. My mind seems to still believe he's here. That this is all a joke. I won't believe it until I see it with my own eyes. And I know I never will. I can't even attend his funeral. He is still alive to me. And he will always be with me.

I've never seen Death's face before. But even this glance of him dropped me to my knees. Begging in mercy to stop. To stop taking things from humanity. Before, I always didn't really understand the feeling of someone leaving me permanently. I couldn't even believe that it's possible. To actually have it happen to me seems too surreal. No one that has loved me has left me like this before. I don't think I can ever accept never seeing the face of who I love ever again.

Life is too cruel to be true.

Love Ends

April. 25. .Rainy.

I thought marriage was a vow. A promise to love each other forever. Symbolized and laced with an unbreakable ring. Till the end of the time.

We're there already?

I thought that love is independent from time. But parents forget each other. They make the image of each other dissolve. Memories of each other turn irrelevant, put away and stored. They continue to be in the same family picture. It began with the love they felt for each other. It continues with the love for their children. Children become their chains. Their love aged with their bodies.

Why did they come together to begin with...

I would want to stick tight to the person I marry. My heart to his. If I had children, I would want them to live in a loving environment. I don't want them to feel like they are the only reason that I'm staying. I want the promises said aloud to tons of people I love and grew up with to be true. Just like how I will treasure my vows to him. Cradle them in my arms. Bundled with love blankets. Nurtured to live forever with me.

My parents put away their rings. I would wear mine even in the midst of death. Because love overcomes everything. In my imagination at least.

Marriage is supposed to seal love. But nowadays, it only slowly eats it away.