Our Missing Piece

July. 20th. Cloudy.

Without a doubt, it was my day. It was my night to shed my tear of happiness. The night that I could truly thank God with my entire heart and soul. It may have been the greatest gift he has ever blessed me with. Us four.

Austin and I talked and talked. Through our fingers to our lips. But as we shared, our picture began to appear more and more different.

"Well Nancy and I kind of thought that this reunion would be like closure..."
"What? Why would you think that?!"

Because we thought that we already lost it all five years ago. And it'll end once again. But this time would be different. We would say bye with a smile. And never turn back. Nancy and I won't need to cry together under our sheets. Our blankets won't need to be our tissue anymore.

"The way you see the group and the way Nancy and I do is completely different."

"You can honestly say that you didn't make just as good friends in high school?"

"Nope. Nothing can replace grade 6."

He was speechless. He lost.

Soon, Nancy joined in. We talked nostalgically. We all missed it. Our hearts flew and searched for the past, where we belonged. And now we're fighting back, making it possible. But we struggled still. Steven didn't show up online for the past two days. It wouldn't be the same without him. Completely incomplete.

But he did that night.

"Steven, hey it's Tiffany. Nancy, Austin, and I are talking on the phone and we were wondering if you want to have a reunion, just the four of us."

"Sorry...

BUT I WOULD LOVE TO.

LET'S DO IT!"

I smiled. I smiled with my eyes, my lips, every feature on my face.

Steven joined in on the phone too. And we planned everything possible: fireworks, the beach, downtown, barbecue, the park, the aquarium...everything. All fitted in three perfect days. I can't wait to brush my toes pass the tiny particles of the beach, let the wind lift my hair, my fingers stroke the water waves. The bright art in the dark silky sky, striking and stroking.

My eyes watered. This was what was not placed correctly, the piece that was gone from my life. A chipped piece of art; a ripped curtain to my window. But I'll hold it firmly now. My hands will ball up around it, covering it with pure determination. I won't ruin things ever again. I won't let myself. Nothing is important anymore. Nothing matters. I'm willing to sacrifice everything I have ever owned for this. And I know they would too.

Travel

Jan 12. .Sunny.

I thought our lives were to branch, separate, and diverge. I blinked twice.Your face defined, body lengthened, extended. Your closeup painted unrecognizable. You can't be the same person.

Do you remember me?

Seeing you made me flashback. Travel me back to what I was, what life looked like. It was the curve of the slide, the metal finish of the monkey bars, the plastic touch of the tires. I stood there. Where the bordered rocks and my foot connected, met each other one more time. I breathed in the past air. What I missed. What was long gone, returning. In my lungs, diffused throughout my body, to the tips of my nails and toes. All simplicity.The simplicity of childhood. I can't grasp onto my memories to remember what that felt like. I was never given the moment to be a child once I left. Once I walked through the gym to reach the end, I tossed it out. And moved on.

I wonder if you still hate me...if I make you travel too...

Because you didn't respond to me with your new voice. But your eyes talked to me. They sneaked whispers.

There was no smile in them either. Just a hollow stare that scanned me. It held no sense of curiosity. It was all blank and unmarked with expression.

We were supposed to work together today. No "I" in team. But you forced it in there. Jammed it. Did not follow. Left me and the other boy talking, laughing. I invited you with a joke. It was your cue, your opportunity. But you didn't seem to thank it. We diverged again. Maybe you want to keep it that way.

I don't know what part of you is stopping from our lines to gently meet. Maybe your old anger, old sadness all reappeared when your face met mine on the first day. Maybe it's your shyness. Or I'm not even your concern anymore. That's what is stopping me. Standing there to let me face it. Stare and give it adjectives to provide a description. I've jot down nothing. That's all I see so far. But I won't and can't. I can't push with two hands. I need yours and mine.

Seems like you don't want to. I closed my eyes.

"Take me back," I said.