"Lean on Me"

Oct. 26. .Clear.

It was after school. I head to Minmin's locker to get my Japanese textbook to study with when I'm get home. Benton comes by. He hands me...what seems to be Johnny's racket. I didn't understand. "Give it to Johnny for me." He said. "Ok..." I knew he had badminton practice so I knew he needed it. I head upstairs to meet up with Joanna. As she was packing up, I stand there...where his locker is. I look around. He's still not here...is he already at practice? As I was heading to G section with Joanna, I held the racket in my hand. That feeling came back again. I felt so attached to the racket...I held it...softly.

I opened the gym doors. There he was. Playing with his teammates. He looked so...cool. No one else was playing. He was in the dead centre. Everyone else is just standing there at the benches. Jadie comes by. I held out his racket. Jadie holds it, "Johnny! Your racket!" He looks up. He looks at me. I look down at his racket. He runs over, and as he runs, his teammates hit the birdie at his direction. He hits it as he runs and comes by. Effortless. "Thanks." he said to me. I smile. Completely speechless. He puts the racket at the bench and runs back to his game. I wanted to stay so badly. But I couldn't. He soon vanished to set up the nets. "Let's go." Joanna says. I look back. Still not there. I look down. We open the gym doors again, and my fingers slid past the door inch by inch.

As I was walking home, I looked at the blue sky. So many shades of blue. No trace of clouds. A breeze blows my hair. Warmth. It truely felt like God was there with me...at that very instant. He understood me...how upset and frustrated I was. He said, "It's ok." I couldn't hear it. But I felt it. "Lean on me." he said. And I realized...that it's ok that Johnny doesn't like me back for whatever reason. I just want to be in his life now. I just want to help him out whenever he needs it. I'm not looking at repayment...or a reward. I just want to help him now...nothing else. Yes, I like him. A lot. But it's ok. Because our friendship is already meaning so much to me. And I wouldn't ever want it to be damaged just because of my confession.

It just feels like everyone is so busy with their lives. No one really cares about others anymore. I don't even want to tell anyone how I feel. Joanna is busy. Jenny doesn't have time to care. Chris has so much attitude now probably because of what he has to go through everyday with volleyball and school. I don't want to stand in their way...and so I felt really upset. But feeling God's prescense today...it really opened me up again. It seemed like he said that he'll care even when no one else does. He completely understands how I feel. I start to tell Johnny how I feel about my friends and how busy they all are and the pressure at school and at home. He lends me a hand. "You can always talk to me...because I'm never busy. :)" You don't know how much that meant Johnny. You have no idea...

I was searching through some pictures on deviant...and I came across this line that someone typed out. "They were the right people, but in the wrong timing." It was for the movie "Secret". But I connected it to myself. It applies to me too doesn't it? When Johnny liked me in grade 8, it was the wrong timing. Now, in grade 10, 2 years later, it's my turn to fall for him. Maybe we are the right people...I don't know. But our timing is way off too. Maybe...just maybe one day we will meet at the right time?