Nov. 25. .Rainy.
The past. These days, I've been wanting to ask him one simple question: How have you been doing lately? Sometimes...it just stings to see him. The way he carries himself, and the way he looks...it seems empty. About two months ago, this would be the time I would jump to him and say 'Boo!'. But there was silence. Blank. And it's all thanks to me. Although I don't have the same feeling for him anymore, I still care about him. The first person I gave everything to was him. I just wonder how he's doing...how his academics are now...how he's been feeling or what he's been dreaming about. Does he hate me now? Did he move on? Does he still cry? I'm been worried about you...
It's sad and it hurts; to pass by him and pretend that I don't see anything that I spent almost a year with...anything that I loved once upon a time. I don't think that I can ever make it up to him no matter what I attempt to do. But I at least want to put a bandage over that wound so it doesn't get infected. I don't know if this wound will ever heal...but I know I don't want it to get worse...is it too late?
Ever since Johnny said he was sure, things haven't been much different. Just like we wished. 11:11.
Yesterday, Johnny had a last minute notice that he has a badminton game. I tell him to stay jokingly. He actually does. I don't really make that situation a stain my head...and I let it go. That night, Jadie tells me she's upset about Johnny not going to the badminton game. Instant guilt. "Then stayy." I remember saying. It felt like that ugly side was creeping out again. Johnny starts to feel bad, and I say that I'm sorry five times or so. He says that's it's ok but I still feel stuck. "I'll give you chocolate!" I can already taste it. A smile bloomed. "Give a bit to Jadie too." The blooming hesitated. Right. Jadie. I knew she deserved it more than I did. Huron was still ignoring her and she played until eight o'clock. She would need it more than me. "She can have it." I smiled. I meant it. I wasn't trying to act nice...I wasn't trying to avoid being in between Johnny and Jadie. I just felt like compared to Jadie...she deserved it a lot more. "I know...it's weird...having me to give chocolate to someone I used to like." The tiniest hint of weirdness. But it doesn't matter. I have him. And just the thought of him using chocolate to cheer me up is already so sweet with a hint of childhood.
Even though I didn't get any chocolate at the end. I still have you...and that's more than chocolate because when it melts...it's gone. But you're always here in any condition even if there are obstacles that try to stop you from being there for me. And I never had someone do that for me. You made me a lot happier;You already give me chocolate everyday even though I can't taste it. But I feel it. And it feels...unbelievably sweet. I love you.
"See? I don't need chocolate. Just you."
The past. These days, I've been wanting to ask him one simple question: How have you been doing lately? Sometimes...it just stings to see him. The way he carries himself, and the way he looks...it seems empty. About two months ago, this would be the time I would jump to him and say 'Boo!'. But there was silence. Blank. And it's all thanks to me. Although I don't have the same feeling for him anymore, I still care about him. The first person I gave everything to was him. I just wonder how he's doing...how his academics are now...how he's been feeling or what he's been dreaming about. Does he hate me now? Did he move on? Does he still cry? I'm been worried about you...
It's sad and it hurts; to pass by him and pretend that I don't see anything that I spent almost a year with...anything that I loved once upon a time. I don't think that I can ever make it up to him no matter what I attempt to do. But I at least want to put a bandage over that wound so it doesn't get infected. I don't know if this wound will ever heal...but I know I don't want it to get worse...is it too late?
Ever since Johnny said he was sure, things haven't been much different. Just like we wished. 11:11.
Yesterday, Johnny had a last minute notice that he has a badminton game. I tell him to stay jokingly. He actually does. I don't really make that situation a stain my head...and I let it go. That night, Jadie tells me she's upset about Johnny not going to the badminton game. Instant guilt. "Then stayy." I remember saying. It felt like that ugly side was creeping out again. Johnny starts to feel bad, and I say that I'm sorry five times or so. He says that's it's ok but I still feel stuck. "I'll give you chocolate!" I can already taste it. A smile bloomed. "Give a bit to Jadie too." The blooming hesitated. Right. Jadie. I knew she deserved it more than I did. Huron was still ignoring her and she played until eight o'clock. She would need it more than me. "She can have it." I smiled. I meant it. I wasn't trying to act nice...I wasn't trying to avoid being in between Johnny and Jadie. I just felt like compared to Jadie...she deserved it a lot more. "I know...it's weird...having me to give chocolate to someone I used to like." The tiniest hint of weirdness. But it doesn't matter. I have him. And just the thought of him using chocolate to cheer me up is already so sweet with a hint of childhood.
Even though I didn't get any chocolate at the end. I still have you...and that's more than chocolate because when it melts...it's gone. But you're always here in any condition even if there are obstacles that try to stop you from being there for me. And I never had someone do that for me. You made me a lot happier;You already give me chocolate everyday even though I can't taste it. But I feel it. And it feels...unbelievably sweet. I love you.
"See? I don't need chocolate. Just you."
1 comment:
I love you Tiffanyy :]
Don't feel bad about what happened today :D
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