Silent Tears

June 30. .Sunny.

I'm so sorry...

I neglected you. I pushed you aside. I shut myself away from you. I wasn't there for you.

Instead, you continued to be there for me. Every time.

I thought that it was ok. I thought you were ok. I thought that our relationship wasn't meant to be completely defined. I thought that blurs were acceptable between you and me. You let me continue to chase after my dreams, and fight through my personal obstacles. You let me push my frustration against your chest. You would hug me even when I walk away from you. You told me that you loved me even when I believed that everything was going against me. Your gentle kisses...your wishful comments...your ability to make me smile... They are all still here. Perfect condition. I've learned how to embrace each one. Each gift, each blessing. You put yourself aside silently, so I wouldn't notice that I wasn't the only one in pain. You soaked yourself in the rain so you could hold an umbrella for me. Tears were shed. I was missing in your life. I was the one that initiated our hands to touch. And I was also the one that was slowly losing our touch. I wasn't there anymore. And you missed me.

I always knew that he loved me more than I did. But I continued flipping through pages in my room. I continued to keep school my focused target. To me, he was an unwanted distraction. He knew that I hated taking care of babies. He knew that my backpack was already too full to hold him. He knew I was tired of holding burdens. My arms were already holding books. It was all I knew how to hold. I didn't know how to hold him. I didn't want to learn. Instead, he held me.

So every tear he dripped, he was silent. For 6 months. He didn't slip clues. He didn't mention any sadness that he was feeling. I have made our beautiful relationship bland. I made our days filled with empty space. Nothing was sacred between us. Nothing was treasured. While I was selfishly running my own desires, he was alone. Thinking of me. Wishing for me.

I would frown. He would kiss me and make me smile. I would cry. And he would hug me tightly and wipe my tears away. He would whisper those three simple words in my ear. That's all I needed to continue on. To stand back up. And I would just leave, because I had nothing to give back in return...

I have finally felt what it is like. To miss someone to the point where tears just slide down effortlessly.. No hearts were broken. No hands were unconnected. But as loneliness continued to seep past my flesh, I felt the need to be in his arms. It's where I belong. To be with him. But he was there even through this ordeal with me. Hand in hand. Because he knew how it felt. Like always. Why couldn't I do the same for him?

What hurts me most...is that he never told me he was suffering. He put my obstacles before his. And he stayed patient and quiet. He would wipe his own tears. And mine too. I was wrong. I was selfish. I was oblivious. But that makes me love him even more. To know that he would do that for me...is heart wrenching. What he wanted was so simple. Time and affection. But I saw through a lens where it seemed so difficult to supply. But now, I finally feel that it's balanced. It's ready to endure all.

It's true love.

To have you by my side, is my luck.