Loneliness

Aug. 10. .Sunny.

Sometimes things sting. Even when they aren't supposed to.

I miss the feeling of being in loving arms, the touch of my lips with his. His warmth shared with mine. The feeling of being wanted, being thought about constantly. Like I mattered the most. The perfect one, and flawlessly his to keep. However, at the end of the day, I sleep alone now. I think for one person: myself. I can be submerged into freedom. I can stretch my fingers towards my goals, focused and defined. But as I see the eyes of people around me in love...I begin to think about what I used to have, used to feel. And now.

Most of the times...
I'm determined. My eyes are focused on my objectives. I don't see anyone around me. I don't care. I don't feel pain. The Power of Invincibility. Nothing can possibly scratch me, pinch me. Realism is what I practice. Facts over opinion. Acting as though everything is a challenge, attempting to work against me. I look forward, dream forward.

Other times...
Loneliness seeps into my heart. Coldness raises the bumps on my skin. I want to find someone to lean on. Because things can get too cold for me. Too lonely. And I would struggle to keep my eyes from watering. And my eyesight fades and smudges. My heart beings to long and yearn for that unconditional love, those magical hugs, those unbelievable kisses. But that is all imaginary. All too simplistic to grasp.

I understand that there will always be those moments. But they can only remain temporarily. Because I need to be strong. I need to fight for what matters. By myself. I know I can't settle with someone that isn't exact. Isn't my perfect fit. My hand has to be able to intertwine with his effortlessly, naturally. Morals and beliefs mirrored. Lips perfectly fitted. And I'll wait for that special intersection in our lives. In the mean time, I'll keep myself busy, legs moving, mind spinning.