Your Difference

Jul. 31. .Sunny.

I thought it was just the surface. Your spine, your cheeks, your jaw. You still bite your nails. You still have this adorable obsession with penguins. But change is change. And you did. Out and in. The deep within diffusing outwards.

That's what makes you unattractive.

"That's where I'll live. Up there. The top floor."

"I didn't remember you being so arrogant. Where did you learn that from? Your new friends?"
"No I'm not arrogant. I just haven't found anything to be humble about yet."

"Yea I help my friends out during tests."

"...what? You help them cheat?"

"Well I'm their friend. I want them to pass. What if your friends needed help?"

"My friends won't need that kind of help. What if you get caught?"

"I won't get caught."

"Your friend asked you what a metaphor was."

"She just wanted to start a conversation."

"No...she left after you answered her question."

"I'm sure she knew what it meant."

They changed you, twisted you. I know that you are a nice guy, a guy that would always stand loyal. Accept all. But loyalty belongs with the deserved. They don't. I would smile for you, spread wide on my canvas. My heart would rest. But ever since I saw you again. It couldn't.

I first thought that I could help you, bring you back. But I have realized that it can't happen. You want to stay dark. Brightly shady. And you will always put them above us. Those people that only ask for answers on tests, force you for short cuts. You can shield them, protect them. But you know deep inside that they are who they are. And they are not trying to hide it themselves. So why should you try cover up who they are?

Because you are embarrassed too.

I wanted to care for you, take you in. Heal you. But you obviously don't want my warmth. And your neglect only helps me loosen my hold. Frankly, I don't want to possibly love someone like you. I'm tired of your reluctance to accept the truth. Continue to lie. Lie all by yourself. Once again. One after the other.

I thought I was being selfish. That all I wanted was your affection and attention. But I've hit another epiphany: I don't want to be put in the same level as your 'dearest' friends. I don't belong there. And I'm done trying. You live your life. Discover things yourself.

If you were stuck in any obstacles, we would always do whatever we can to save you. But your friends...? How far would they go for you? How much are they willing to give? Would they cry for you?

I would have.