I Just Want to See and Survive

Today, right when I got to my locker, I got a Valentines day card from him. For once, I can see it in my locker when I opened it.
He had a math thing today at lunch. I've been whining about him not being with me at lunch that day. He said he was sorried, but he needs to be responsible. So I couldn't spend time with him. I was in my media arts room with Chris, editing the film for our projectat lunch. Somone knocks on the door. He's there. After awhile, I find out that the teacher wasn't even there for the math meeting. He helped me with the project. Did God listen to our conversation and grant my wish?

I thought I had to stay at school to do my English project. But we finished at lunch and I didn't want to go back home at 3:30 like any usual day. I already told my mom before hand that I'll be late home, so why go home? I wanted to go Minmin's house at first, since it was so close. But after, Minmin had to go and I was left with him. The only place I can think of going is his house. If he went to mine, my mom would be there, and I didn' thave any excuse for him to go to my house. So we actually went by skytrain and went to his house. His dad was home. [I wasn't planning on making out with him on the couch or anything.] He told his dad we had a project. A lie. We got there at 3:40ish and we laughed at stupid 'youtube' videos, and played around with the year book. We hugged, held hands, and sat really close. We didn't make out or do anything too intimate, but today was Friday the 13th, the day of bad luck, and the day before Valentines. Bittersweet. I called my mom at 4:30 and told her I'll meet her at the mall at 5:30. It was 5:15, I call my mom. "I'll meet you at 5:45. I call my mom again. "I'll meet you at 6:20" I didn't want to leave. I really didn't want to. He offered me to eat dinner with him and his dad. I wanted to stay. I really did. But, I knew that I couldn't disturb his dad and my mom wouldn't let me. I finally left his house at 6:10. He offered to walk me to the mall. He held my hand along the way. It was getting cold, and he held my hand in his pocket. It felt warm. It was dark too. I actually felt like we were a couple...going out...in the cold crispy night..holding hands...and talking in the streets. Finally, the day ended. I walked to the mall by myself for the last block, and I saw my mom, and I went home.

I think, within this month, our relationship got a lot closer and tighter. I actually feel the tendency to almost not live without talking to him for an hour. It's Friday. Meaning that there is a whole weekend that I won't see him. But today, was all I can ask for. I thought I wouldn't be able to talk to him a lot today because of his meetings, and my project. But I actually spent 4 to 5 more hours than normal. I can't stop thinking about him. Before, I always couldn't stop thinking about him, but now it's getting to me sooo much. I love him sooo much, that it's wasting my time. But I'm loving this feeling, and I'm loving him.

I think Maggie hates me for some reason. But after awhile, I thought about it. I really don't care if anyone hates me anymore. I lose a friend and I gain a friend, I just met a new friend yesterday. On top of that, all I need to be happy is for Feilong and Chris to be by my side. They are so important in my school life. I can lose everyone else, and I still won't cry a tear because as long as I have them, my life is already bright enough for me to see and survive.

Appreciate, Before It's Too Late

Feb 11th .Dark??.

For these few days, Maggie and Jordan has been in this huge fight, that might cost their relationship. One day, they were talking on MSN, and then Jordan said 'be right back' and right when he came back, he's said 'back', and he waited for a minute or two, and no one answered and he said, 'Well I guess you don't want to talk to me, bye' and now they are angry at each other. Maggie has been telling many people about the fight, which is one thing that I don't understand. Isn't a fight in a relatinoship between you and him? Why do you have to spread it to everyone? I mean, when you're sad you'll need someone to talk to, but you don't have to tell all your friends and make them choose sides. They fought on Saturday and it's already Wednesday. If they don't solve this by themselves it's going to get harder and harder to talk...and if they don't talk they break up. Jordan just called Maggie a few hours ago and tried to solve the problem but it didn't work. I just think that Maggie should know and thank Jordan for always trying his best as a boyfriend. Jordan is still like a little kid. For a little kid to try and tell her how he feels and actually call her...that's a lot for a little kid like him. When Feilong gave me a Christmas card, Maggie got irratated at Jordan because Jordan always thinks of buying gifts for her, and why can't he just make something like Feilong. But the fact is, is that Jordan already spent over 70 bucks buying a relationship necklace. Everyone has their own way of giving a gift. Feilong draws. He buys something. She has to accept Jordan for who he is, she can't mold him to something different, because she wouldn't be loving Jordan she would be loving someone she created. Jordan told his parents that he has a girlfriend. He actually had the guts to tell his parents, and Maggie is still not appreciating what he did and still complains about his effort for this relationship. She doesn't have the guts to tell her parents herself. Many people think that Jordan doesn't try hard at all, but for a person that still acts like a 8 year old, and has trouble saying how he feels, he's already doing a lot for her. She has to understand that he's different from a normal guy. He's still a little kid inside. He's trying so hard that he's crying endlessly for her. He said he's sorried, I know that that doensn't solve everything, but at least that's a start...right? He saved up all his money to buy a necklace for her (He doesn't have allowance), he told his parents he's going out for her, he drew a card for her just becuase she was complaining, he always said sorry when he actually didn't do anything wrong, he always carried her books for her, he always called her to see if she was ok, and he didn't say a word when she made him improve each class by a whole letter each term. There are a lot more things that he did for her that I probably don't know of. But those couple of examples are enough aren't they? What else can Maggie ask for in Jordan?