Leap Past the Sun

Feb 9th .Cloudy.

Midterms are finally over! I didn't think I would make it. But with a 95% in my Chemistry midterm and an 84% in my Physics midterm, I have nothing else to wish for. They aren't 100%, but these marks are more than enough to keep me humble and happy about myself. Another hard obstacle was successfully leaped over. And again, I've learned new lessons.

During the week of my physics preparation, I've made many mistakes, and have shed many tears. I've accumulated bits of my anger and smacked it at Johnny who didn't even deserve it. I've given my mom a lot of bad attitude when she didn't do anything wrong. I've pulled Eric away from his courses at university so I could get help from him. I even dragged Mr. Lee away from his lunch time to help me out. I've made many of my friends worry and donate extra care for me through my breakthroughs too. That week was freakishly emotional. I cried two or three times within one week. I've told myself that "I give up." so many times. I thought that there was no way for me to even get a B on that test. But I've realized...no one was putting myself down, but me. I was my own barrier. I stopped myself from enlarging my chances of winning. Instead, I was shrinking them. But now, I know that it was wrong. I need to have confidence in my academics and what I have to offer. I can't doubt myself anymore. I have potential, like Jenny said...and it's time for me to fully embrace it.

I always stand back up, pick up my pencil, and try new questions over and over again. It's weird how I never end up sitting there and just threw all those papers away. I could even cry for half an hour. But I would dry my tears up easily, and start fresh. Where did I get this strength from? Was it always there? This reminded me that no matter how hard something is, as long as I put my heart out there, and sacrifice everything I can, I can achieve it. It's all about how much you can give. After I gave everything I owned, there was this sense of relief that the marks don't matter anymore. It's the inside that counts. Even after my exam, I told myself, "No matter what grade I get in the end, no matter how many right or wrong I get, I'm proud of myself." There was no little space to slip in regret. I used up everything. I gave up everything. There was nothing more I could have done. I've slept at two and woke up at seven throughout the week. I've spent numerous hours working on physics booklets over and over again. Eric has helped me a lot, and given me so much encouragement that I can do this, and that I have no reason to give up. He believed in me. I know that 84% isn't high, and it's not an A, but now, from 61% in Physics, I'm getting 87% in one single shot. An A. Finally.

Even though that A is a little shaky, I'm confident. I have another test next week to seal up term 2. And I'm not scared. Because I know that no matter how hard it's going to be. I'll fight through it. Even if it means another week of sleeping late, late, late. I'm willing to give up everything to reach my goal. It's time for me to reach my full potential...because I have a group of supporters that I can't ever let down. My friends...and Johnny.