June 28th .Sunny.
I finally got baptized! I'm finally a child of God! Nancy came over to sleep on Saturday, and went to church with me today. Everyone was so happy for me, and they prepared cake, presents, and cards. Rosemary gave Jessica, Natasha, and I a gift that was very similar. It was a little bird on a rock. The only differences between the three presents we each received is that the birds are all different in posture and color, and the rock the bird rests on has either the word, "Love", "Faith", or "Hope". These three were mentioned in a verse in the bible. When Rosemary told me about the meanings in the presents as she gave me one, I wished mine is either "Love" or "Hope". I actually got "Love"! Jessica got "Faith" with a yellow bird, and Natasha got "Hope" with a red bird. Aside from thinking about all the nice things after I'm baptized, I also have to think about the serious topics. I need to follow rules and requirements that God has proposed. I don't know if I'll always be doing them perfectly or at the right time...which worries me. Becoming a child of God has so much requirements and meaning in it. During baptism I had to keep on saying "I do" or "I renounce them." But I guess all I can do is try my best!
When Nancy and I were playing cards at 2 to 3:30ish in the morning, we got on the topic of Eric. She told me that he was online these past days. But I didn't really notice...but I guess I just didn't pay attention. He didn't go online for a long time, and it's not like I miss him anymore.
Nancy: "Did you see his personal message? It said 'XC...'" (XC is supposed to look like a sad face...)
Tiffany: "No..I didn't even know he was online these days."
"He probably saw your personal message saying, 'I love you' and stuff, and was really upset. Since he would always talk to you when he's on MSN...and ask you if you're taken yet."
"I'm starting to feel bad now. Even though I don't like him anymore, I still don't want to hurt him."
"He's probably screwed because you are finally taken now."
"Maybe that's why he didn't talk to me at all when he came online these days...and just left a sad face on his personal message..."
We talked more about how even when no one wanted him, I still wanted him. I was still there for him, and he just threw me out, and said bad things about me to Nancy, how I didn't give him freedom. After not even a year we break up, he crawls back to me? What does he expect if I don't go out with someone else? Have an online relationship with him? I loved him so passionately, and he threw me out. After he knew that the rock was actually a diamond, he begs on his knees to get it back...
Really, Eric? Are your thoughts that naive? Weren't YOU the one that only liked me because of my looks? Weren't YOU the one that was complaining about how I wasn't giving you space? When you didn't even tell me in that whole relationship that you wanted any. Weren't YOU the one that said that you didn't want me anymore? Didn't YOU say that you didn't need me anymore, and that all I was was just a bother? I don't have what you need? Was your love for me really just skin-deep? You can't find a better girl in Korea and you come back...crawling like a bug to me...but didn't you act like the giant, and wasn't I the mouse? Now you think all those memories and laughter we had together are important? hm...I think you are...3 years late? No 'sorry', no gratitude, no compassion. And you already expect me to forgive you and on top of that be with you somehow and not have another person for the rest of my life? Yes...I loved you like crazy. I thought I couldn't live without you. You were my life. You were...everything that was mentioned in love songs. I knew I loved you more, but I didn't even care...Even though the wound you left me with is a scar now...at least it stopped bleeding. Give me back those days that I wasted thinking about you, crying for you, drinking for you, and hating myself. Then I'll give you forgiveness and compassion. I already gave you so much even when you gave me nothing...it's enough. I've had enough of you. If I could ever get rid of the fossil of our relationship in my heart completely, that would be so great...because I would only have disgust for you.
---
Then we suddenly start talking about Austin...
Tiffany: "So how's Austin doing?"
Nancy: "A few days ago I mentioned you on MSN when I was talking to him and he said, 'Don't even mention her anymore...she gives me bad memories..."
"Oh...."
So I'm planning to e-mail Austin about what happened in grade 6 that we never recovered from. I know I'm VERY late. But I don't think I would of even thought I did anything wrong until I was grade 9. I don't even remember exactly what happened. All I know is that I did such mean things to him...and it's about time I at least leave a good message if we end our friendship officially since we won't even see each other again...not that I even want to to be honest, because even if I patch things up by e-mailing him, our friendship...is already all torn up by my immature grade 6 self...And I don't want to be like an Eric That's for sure.
I finally got baptized! I'm finally a child of God! Nancy came over to sleep on Saturday, and went to church with me today. Everyone was so happy for me, and they prepared cake, presents, and cards. Rosemary gave Jessica, Natasha, and I a gift that was very similar. It was a little bird on a rock. The only differences between the three presents we each received is that the birds are all different in posture and color, and the rock the bird rests on has either the word, "Love", "Faith", or "Hope". These three were mentioned in a verse in the bible. When Rosemary told me about the meanings in the presents as she gave me one, I wished mine is either "Love" or "Hope". I actually got "Love"! Jessica got "Faith" with a yellow bird, and Natasha got "Hope" with a red bird. Aside from thinking about all the nice things after I'm baptized, I also have to think about the serious topics. I need to follow rules and requirements that God has proposed. I don't know if I'll always be doing them perfectly or at the right time...which worries me. Becoming a child of God has so much requirements and meaning in it. During baptism I had to keep on saying "I do" or "I renounce them." But I guess all I can do is try my best!
When Nancy and I were playing cards at 2 to 3:30ish in the morning, we got on the topic of Eric. She told me that he was online these past days. But I didn't really notice...but I guess I just didn't pay attention. He didn't go online for a long time, and it's not like I miss him anymore.
Nancy: "Did you see his personal message? It said 'XC...'" (XC is supposed to look like a sad face...)
Tiffany: "No..I didn't even know he was online these days."
"He probably saw your personal message saying, 'I love you' and stuff, and was really upset. Since he would always talk to you when he's on MSN...and ask you if you're taken yet."
"I'm starting to feel bad now. Even though I don't like him anymore, I still don't want to hurt him."
"He's probably screwed because you are finally taken now."
"Maybe that's why he didn't talk to me at all when he came online these days...and just left a sad face on his personal message..."
We talked more about how even when no one wanted him, I still wanted him. I was still there for him, and he just threw me out, and said bad things about me to Nancy, how I didn't give him freedom. After not even a year we break up, he crawls back to me? What does he expect if I don't go out with someone else? Have an online relationship with him? I loved him so passionately, and he threw me out. After he knew that the rock was actually a diamond, he begs on his knees to get it back...
Really, Eric? Are your thoughts that naive? Weren't YOU the one that only liked me because of my looks? Weren't YOU the one that was complaining about how I wasn't giving you space? When you didn't even tell me in that whole relationship that you wanted any. Weren't YOU the one that said that you didn't want me anymore? Didn't YOU say that you didn't need me anymore, and that all I was was just a bother? I don't have what you need? Was your love for me really just skin-deep? You can't find a better girl in Korea and you come back...crawling like a bug to me...but didn't you act like the giant, and wasn't I the mouse? Now you think all those memories and laughter we had together are important? hm...I think you are...3 years late? No 'sorry', no gratitude, no compassion. And you already expect me to forgive you and on top of that be with you somehow and not have another person for the rest of my life? Yes...I loved you like crazy. I thought I couldn't live without you. You were my life. You were...everything that was mentioned in love songs. I knew I loved you more, but I didn't even care...Even though the wound you left me with is a scar now...at least it stopped bleeding. Give me back those days that I wasted thinking about you, crying for you, drinking for you, and hating myself. Then I'll give you forgiveness and compassion. I already gave you so much even when you gave me nothing...it's enough. I've had enough of you. If I could ever get rid of the fossil of our relationship in my heart completely, that would be so great...because I would only have disgust for you.
---
Then we suddenly start talking about Austin...
Tiffany: "So how's Austin doing?"
Nancy: "A few days ago I mentioned you on MSN when I was talking to him and he said, 'Don't even mention her anymore...she gives me bad memories..."
"Oh...."
So I'm planning to e-mail Austin about what happened in grade 6 that we never recovered from. I know I'm VERY late. But I don't think I would of even thought I did anything wrong until I was grade 9. I don't even remember exactly what happened. All I know is that I did such mean things to him...and it's about time I at least leave a good message if we end our friendship officially since we won't even see each other again...not that I even want to to be honest, because even if I patch things up by e-mailing him, our friendship...is already all torn up by my immature grade 6 self...And I don't want to be like an Eric That's for sure.
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