Some Things Never Change

Feb 22 .Rainy.

He might transfer to a school in Richmond. There is a course there that they offer, that they don't here. [an IB course I think?] When he told me he might go to another school after this year, my tears came pouring down. Right when he told me that, I already felt that distant separation between us. I thought we would last for a long time. I finally needed some time to let it all out and then fell asleep as I was crying. When I woke up, he told me that he might not need to go, and that no matter what he won't leave me. I really don't want him to leave, but if that course really helps him for university, I would sacrifice my wishes for his future. But I would miss him a lot. After we finished this whole topic for a day, we started to talk about how we started out together. As we were talking, I found out that it was obvious that I love him a lot more than he does for me. Which is pretty disappointing. It feels like whenever I love someone a lot, I never get the same amount of love back. I told him that I love him more than I did for my grade 7 ex, and I asked him if he liked someone more than me, and he said 'probably'. Which was pretty surprising...since I thought he would like me just as much as I like him. But I guess I was wrong. I can't lie about it, I am kinda disappointed. I don't think that there was once where I liked someone and they actually liked me back and liked me more. Why do I always have to be the idiot that would do anything for the person I like while the person I like won't do the same for me? I don't want to tell him, because I'll sound so stupid and immature. But it really does kind of hurt inside. I thought all those cards he drew and wrote, all the things he said...was actually true and that he does like me a lot. I'm his first girlfriend, and he still doesn't like me as much as his old crushes. While I love him more than my grade 7 ex, which is a lot for me to say. It kinda feels like a one-sided love right now. I guess that I'll always be the one that loves the other more. I'll always be the crazier one, the more obsessive one {not literally}, I just think it really sucks for me. Why is it always me?! I guess all those times...where I was thinking about him and I thought he was thinking about me at that exact moment...I was wrong. He probably doesn't think about me more than 5 times a day...why am I such an idiot? To give some guy everything I have? No one does that to anyone because they know that they'll get hurt. I know that too, but I can never control it. If I can go back, I rather not know how much he really liked me. I rather pretend to know like before, than know now how he really feels. He probably liked Rosalie a lot more than he does for me right now. I always feel like I can never receive the amount of love he gave her. Well...she is better than me in some areas... I always thought that he liked Rosalie a lot compared to how much he likes me now. But I just forget about it after awhile...but this just proves to me that I was right all along. I don't think I can ever match up to how much he liked Rosalie.