Confessions

April 21th .Sunny.

Yesterday night, Jeremy confessed that he likes me again. He kept on complimenting me about how I smell (like everyone else) and saying how pretty I am (which I always disagree with..no matter who says it.). Then I finally, wanted to change the subject and I just asked him simply, "Did you find someone to like yet?" and he said, "kinda" and it turns out that it is me. I obviously didn't accept his feelings for me since we both know that I have a boyfriend already. "When I saw you at the mall and I was with my girlfriend..after you left, she quickly said, "Are you going to cheat on me with her? I know you like pretty girls." and I just said that she's crazy." But he said one thing that I don't think I'll ever forget. "I always liked you. There is just something about you that always gets to me." Lots of the things he said were pretty normal. Nothing really special that I didn't hear from other guys that confessed to me before. But for some reason, every single word he said was surprising like this is the first time I have ever heard a guy say something like this to me. I guess it's because it's Jeremy and we did like each other before but not knowing it. Since he was being so honest, I thought this is my chance to be honest too. "I really liked you when things weren't going so well with my boyfriend that time. But I knew I had to stop because I have a boyfriend. I don't want to hurt you or him." He understood but he also told me that he'll like me for a long time. "It's pretty impossible for me to not like you...I think I'm crazy.." "For doing what..?" "just for you..I can't stop thinking about you." Although he is an awesome guy, and he's perfect in every way that I can think of, I already found Feilong. Who is the world to me. (Yes...I was finally able to figure my own feelings out after a few days. YAY!) As I was talking to him, I was also talking to Joanna on the phone. "YES! SEE I KNEW IT. I KNEW HE WOULD LIKE YOU. THAT'S WHY I TOLD YOU TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU SAY AND TO NOT TALK TO HIM AS MUCH!" Thanks Joanna. = =

So today, I decided to tell Feilong about EVERYTHING. Including that time, where I fell for Jeremy for a few days, and that he confessed to me last time. I even sent him the conversation. When we were watching this movie for Media Arts, I whispered to him since we were sitting so close to each other. "Are you scared that you'll lose me?" He didn't say anything for a few seconds. "Yea...kinda..." he whispered back. I then kissed him on the cheek just to comfort him. He looked at me and I smiled. He smiled back. I didn't want him to get scared about losing me. I just want him to know what is happening so I don't need to hide anything in this relationship, because I do want this relationship to last. It's good that Jeremy told me now, after my feelings are sorted out and went back to where they belong. If I was still confused and he confessed at that time...I think I would of died.

At the end of our conversation (Jeremy and me), the last thing I said was that no matter what he is really special to me because he has been so loyal even when we didn't see each other for so many years, and having a friend like him is a great gift...and no matter what, he'll always be my special friend that I'll never forget.