Payback

May 26th ,Sunny.

He had this math thing today at last block. so we couldn't have Socials together. That's ok, I've left him alone in Socials once or twice too. As I was walking to go to Minmin's locker, I saw him and Mandy. If you didn't know, Mandy loves or loved him for the longest time, but I heard that she gave up after she found that I started to go out with him. So anyway, I saw Mandy and him together at his locker. I pretended to not see them, because I knew that I wouldn't know how to respond to them two together. So I looked down, and suddenly I felt a piece of cloth swing by my leg. He simply nudged me a little to say hi when I past them. Although that was nice of him, I was still kind of hurt. Seeing him with another girl, espicially Mandy, didn't seem to feel good at all. As I was walking to Socials, the only thing I was doing was thinking about what just happened. I knew I shouldn't be upset about something so small, but I still was a bit...I just couldn't help it but at least feel a bit uneasy. After school, I thought about it some more. As a thought deeper, a thought actually came to me, "Why am I upset? He had to go through things that were even more painful than what I saw today, like Jeremy or other guys asking me out. I know that nothing is between them, and I'm already upset. He had to go through things that were 10 times harder than the thing I just saw today, and he didn't say a word of complaint. What gives me the right? And Mandy...she was probably really hurt when she found out the guy she really likes is going out with her close childhood friend. So feeling hurt at that moment was something small compared to what she had to go through. I deserved it." I knew I had to brush it off my shoulders soon, so I tried throughout the whole day.

When I came back from piano lessons, I decided to talk to Joanna about what's been happening lately, since Maggie and Jordan got back together again this morning. Out of nowhere, I just said, "Wow, he knows me so well." and I explained to Joanna that he already knows that there is something wrong with me even when I hide it. Joanna didn't know what I was hiding from him, but she just listened and then continued on with her topic. Soon, he asked Joanna what I'm sad about, and Joanna thought that I was still upset about Chris and Braden. But it obviously wasn't the reason why I'm upset. So Joanna just said, "Keep asking, and it's not something that's upsetting her...it's just bugging her." So he thought that Joanna knew what I was upset about and told only her and didn't want to tell him. But really...Joanna doesn't know why I'm sad. He starts accusing me. Saying that I'm not telling him and telling Joanna instead and thought that we were actually close enough to tell each other things. I told him that Joanna doesn't even know what I'm sad about. He doesn't trust me. He continues on. I tell him that I'll tell him later after I type it out here. He continues to not trust me. It really hurts when you are telling the truth and the person you love doesn't even bother to listen to you or even trust you one bit. I was already upset about what happened today at school, and my piano class, since I didn't do as good as last week. Now I'm suddenly being yelled at by someone that doesn't even know the whole story. I just wanted to just stop talking to him. He didn't even want to listen. He came back now and says sorry. But like any other wound, nothing heals right away.