Forcing a True Smile

Jan 31th .Sunny.

I just finished talking to Feilong...and I just found out that he is planning on taking grade 10 math in the Summer, so he can do grade 11 math when he's grade 10. I thought that he would continue math honours. If he doesn't do math honours, the possibility of having even one class with him will be even thinner. I know that I should be happy for him becuase he's bright enough to even be able to do that. But on the other hand, I want him to at least have math with me. If he continues to take honours, at least we still have a chance. But if he takes grade 11 math, we won't have math together for sure. I already miss him...and we're still in grade 9. Just imagining not having there in math honours, makes me sad. It just sucks. I feel so bad that I think this way, but I can't help it. I know being happy for him is the right thing to do and feel. But I just don't feel that way as much as feeling sad. He's taking English honours and I won't, he's taking Physics 11, and I might. He's probably continuing to take Media Arts, while I'm quitting it for sure next year/ I really want at least one or two classes with him next year. But the longer we talk about it...and the sooner the course selections are coming, the more I find out that we probably won't have any classes together. In the beginning, I thought that if I didn't do physics I would at least have math honours with him next year. Now I find out that he's going to take grade 11 math. [possibly grade 11 honours] I know it's good for him, and I should be proud and happy. I don't want to be the reason why he's giving up his chances to really go higher than average.I don't know if he notices the chances that we have to have even one class with each other. But it's probably better he doesn't..so I don't bring him down, because I know that if I tell him how I feel about his decisions for his courses for next year, he'll do basically everything I tell him to do. I don't want to ruin his goals and it's obvious that what he is doing is helping his future, and I know that I should support him. I'm trying so hard to smile...but it's just not working right now. I just hope that we would at least have one class with each other next year. I just hope.